Paris Hilton: All American Hero

05/07/2007 by Lee.

Socialite (polite speak for lazy slacker) Paris Hilton still seems to be in the news. To me, Paris Hilton is the embodiment of America, in fact, she IS America. Looks good from a distance, wealthy, brash, stupid, no regard for the rules, inability to cope with the consequences of breaking those rules, no discernible talent and no clue what is happening in the rest of the world. She has acheived her status on the back of the success of others and expects the whole world to pay her some attention and listen to what she has to say. Is this not modern day America? The America that did report on the recent incident at Glasgow airport but followed it up with the question, “So what does this mean for America?”. NOTHING, YOU FUCKWITS! It happened in Scotland, not Sacremento, although it has probably been called Scotlandshire or 2000 miles east of Washington DC by now.

Yesterday was the 4th of July, a day of celebration for Americans, BBQ’s were lit, parades marched, bands played and fireworks went bang. The fireworks even went bang in California, depsite the fact that there has been so little rain there lately that the bush fire risk is at a high level, yet everyone thought it would be a good idea to fire explosives on a stick. In Britain we do not pay much heed to the 4th of July, yet I feel that this should change. Instead of independence day we could call it, “Thank God for that, that was a close shave day” and celebrate the fact that we are no longer responsible for our wayward child. The official celebration party could even be held at the Hilton hotel, just for an extra touch of irony, before gathering at an oval race track to drive round and round for several hours only turning left whilst the crowd joyfully shouts, “woo-hoo!” and “yeah!” in a mindless act of noise making just for the sake of it. The following morning, the 5th of July will be the real celebration though. The realisation that, despite the fact people got drunk and made complete tits of themselves the night before, there will be no clamour for “therapy” or “group”, none of us will need “closure” after a drunken romatic folly. We will deal with our “issues” like adults and some of us will even renew our passports, because at least we have them unlike an estimated 80% of Americans.

So next time you bump into an American and they say, “Happy 4th of July” you should reply, “Yes it is. Thank you.”.

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