20/06/2007 by Lee.

The Pope has this week issued guidelines for the “Pastoral care of the road“, essentially 10 commandments for motoring. This piece of work contains such gems as, “Thou shalt not make rude gestures behind the steering wheel” and that cars can be an “occassion of sin”. Presumably it makes no mention of “Thou shalt not stand in the back of a vehicle without wearing a seatbelt”.

The full list of commandments reads:

The highway to heaven

1 You shall not kill

2 The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm

3 Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you to deal with unforeseen events

4 Be charitable and help your neighbour in need, especially victims of accidents

5 Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination or an occasion for sin

6 Charitably convince the young and not-so-young not to drive when they are not in a fit condition

7 Support the families of accident victims

8 Bring guilty motorists and their victims together so they can experience forgiveness

9 On the road, protect the more vulnerable party

10 Feel responsible towards others

The Vatican states that, “as a consequence of transgressions and negligence, 1.2 million people die on the roads each year. That’s a sad reality, and at the same time a great challenge for society and the Church.” This may indeed be true, but what about the 24.7 million people currently living with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa? What about the Vaticans refusal to condone contraception, a move that would by no means irradicate AIDS but would go a step towards a reducing the problem.

Dont’ go rushing to the bookshop to buy your updated Highway Code just yet

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20/06/2007 by Lee.

Second Life, the vitual world developed by Linden Labs is becoming the talk of the office (well, 3 of us anyway) at the moment. For the unitiated, Second Life allows you to create a virtual representation of yourself, own virtual land and unlike most virtual environments, make real money. People are property speculating, marketing & desgining, in fact almost any walk of life you can think of has been re-created in virtual form. Major corporations are buying up virtual plots of land and a Japanese MP has even opened an office in the cyber landscape. Unmoved by the technical wizzadry that makes all this possible, our thoughts have turned to just one thing: how can we make money from this?

Despite the fact that none of us have managed to make any money in the real world, have no business experience and all the clever “techy” bit will doubtless fall to one person there is a constant thought process of, “what could we do?”. Whilst I’m sure the final answer to the question will be nothing, that may be beside the point.

The dreams and hopes of doing this can take you away from the mundane work-a-day life. It’s not unlike the times where you mentally spend your lottery winnings. I’m thinking to myself I could start this business or that business, build this or that, sell something or other, all of which is - for me at least - unattainable in the real world.

When we were younger we had dreams and aspirations, and as we got older we slowly put barriers in the way of us acheiving those dreams. I didn’t grow up wanting to do my current job, I wanted to be an astronaut or a pilot but as the years go on too many of us create obstacles to those aims. By going through the process of what business opportunities there are in Second Life I find myself returning to that child like state of no barriers and obstacles. If that can transfer into my own “first life” then surely that will lead to a better life for me.  

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20/06/2007 by Lee.

There seems to be no end of books and TV programs these days highlighting how a variety of fast food outlets are making people fat. This is absolute bollocks. Eating BK or McDonalds for every meal WILL make you fat, but is that the fault of the eatery or the person eating it? Does this claim apply to any other industry? If you have fast food as it is intended - a quick bite to eat on the go rather than a staple diet - then it will do you no harm at all. Do we hear people saying, “the car industry killed my loved one”? no, it was the driver and not the car that caused the death. It was a case of a good solution being misused, and it is the same with fast food.

These people who say, “Look at me, I’m fat and BK did this to me.” should have a good long look at themselves and change their message to, “Look at me, my weak self control and ‘victim’ mentality make me blame anyone but myself for my own shortcomings.”

The founders of these establishments never intended for their meals to become the staple diet of their customers. The facilities in the outlets are specifically designed to get you in and out in the quickest possible time, NOT to encourage you to eat there 3 times a day.

Yes, they have designed marketing campaigns and facilities to attract families with their balloons and flags etc, but they do not come out onto the street and force you in at gun point. If you’re fat because of too much Mcdonalds or BK then there is only one person to blame for that; yourself.

It is only when you accept responsibility for yourself and your actions that you can begin to control your life. There will always be things beyond your control, but where you choose to eat and how much to have is NOT one of them. Fast food is only the tip of the “Don’t blame me!” iceberg.

TV makes you stupid. No, watching too much of the wrong programming makes you stupid, in fact watching Discovery can educate you. You see the theme here? You control it, not the other way round.

Computer games make kids lazy. Again, no. Not going out and being active makes kids lazy, not the games.

Stop blaming others for your own shortcomings.

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20/06/2007 by Lee.

Have you ever had a though that you know is just going to tempt fate or is just plain wrong and then spent a few minutes wishing you hadn’t thought it before trying to blot it out and erase it from your mind completely? What an odd thing to try and do. It happens to me all the time.

I often see people stopped in a really inconvenient place on the roadside causing traffic chaos and what’s the first thing that goes through my mind?

“I hope you’ve broken down!”

It’s not that I actually wish for somebody to break down, it’s just that I’m hoping that they haven’t stopped there simply to answer the phone or have a bar of chocolate. So the sentiment I’m trying to get at is, “I hope you haven’t just stopped there.” but again, that implies that I’m hoping they’ve stopped due to some incalculably expensive mechanical failure with their car.

Now drowning in guilt for having somehow worsened their plight simply by commenting on it, I try and erase the evil thought (and the unfortunate driver) from my mind. Too late though, I’ve had the thought now! Damn this is complex! But that’s only the beginning, it gets worse from now on.

Having wished a breakdown on the hapless road user, you now begin to fear your own breakdown must be imminent; that is sod’s law after all. Frantically you try and un-think the “I hope you’ve broken down!” comment, but you just can’t do it, it’s too late, the thought is on the loose.

Shit, shit, shit!

Praise be on high when you safely reach your destination free from mechanical woe for another day. It makes you wonder whether other more important thoughts have just slipped out before a round of frantic un-thinking?

“Bush? Yep, I’ll vote for him.” or going back in time (but sticking with the theme), “Hey George, you should stand for election.” or (still with the theme here), “Hey honey, how about we start a family. If we had a son we could call him George too.”

Now do you see how dangerous thinking can be? If only we could un-think.

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20/06/2007 by Lee.

Isn’t it odd how we try and change the world to fit our own needs. It was in a Terry Pratchett book that one of his characters (Mort) said, “I’m a quarter of the way through, which is almost a third and that’s practically a half so I’m nearly done.”

I’m going on holiday soon and I’ve started the process of adjusting time to suit my needs. This begins with not counting the week you’re in as part of your countdown. Quickly we progress to using “working days” but soon even this makes the event seem too far away, so I’m now down to measuring specific days of the week and that currently stands at 2 Mondays one of which is a bank holiday so probably doesn’t count. The truth is that it is still 20 days away but that is simply far too long to wait.

Perhaps Terry Pratchett’s trolls have the right counting method; one, two, lots, many. Holidays would always be just around the corner.

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20/06/2007 by Lee.

I have had the most surreal weekend of my life. A bit of background to begin with. I am a Liverpool fan, always have been. I was there when we lost the league to Arsenal with the last kick of the season, I stood on the kop for the very last game the venerable old stand would witness (we lost to Norwich, damn thay Jeremy Goss) and I was there again for the first game in front of a fledgling new seated kop against Arsenal; you begin to get the picture.

So I was more than a little stunned to find myself lined up in the tunnel at Anfield this weekend along with Gerrard, Fowler, Riise and Carragher, wearing the famous red shirt and about to walk out on match day in front of 45,000 people.

Let me explain this most unlikely way of spending a Saturday afternoon. Some time ago I entered a competition with Barclays to win a contract with Liverpool, complete with £10,000 signing on fee, a place in the official team photo, a training session and a signed shirt. When a letter arrived from Barclays telling me that I had made the final 11 I could barely believe it. Barclays were going to send me an official match shirt with my name on and take me to Anfield for a prize draw. Hurrah!

So the day finally arrived and we met the man from Barclays who dished out the tickets and gave us our pre-event briefing. At was at this point that the nerves really started to kick in, as it was becoming quite apparent that I would be going onto the pitch. Seated with my fellow finalists the game began and with 35 minutes gone my moment was almost upon me. Eleven of us rose from our seats (well twelve if you count Nigel from Barclays) and began to make our way down the main stand. Quite aware of the fact that 11 red numbered shirts had just risen from their seats I practically sprinted down the stand - rapidly followed by my team mates for the day - and down the first stair well. Unfortunately it was the wrong stair well and we had to reappear further along the stand and go down another level. Nerves got the better of the boys and a quick loo break was needed. The view from behind must have been an odd one, all these shirts and numbers lined up facing the wall. Suitably relieved we made our way further along the stand and a fire door opened to our left.

Leaving behind the poured concrete world of Anfield’s oldest stand we entered a new world of deep pile carpets, panelled walls and trophies. We were now in the domain of directors and other honoured guests. Heading downstairs we were met by former player and League Championship winner, Brian Hall. Arranged into number order and issued with a numbered ball for the draw (I was number 6) we awaited half time. As a litany of former greats walked past and said hello (Tommy Smith, David Johnson, Ron Yeats) the nerves began to kick in with a vengeance. Clutching my tunnel access pass I couldn’t help but notice the quiet and the complete lack of noise penetrating the innards of the stand from the mass of people just a few feet away. Zero hour was almost here and we were called forward into the players area.

Now this is where it gets a little weird. I am now lined up in the tunnel with my fellow finalists, all resplendent in our Liverpool shirts. Bouncing my match ball I look up and can almost imagine that I am to take the field for a match, there’s even a guy named Dalgleish! There’s a muffled cheer and it’s half time. Suddenly both sets of players are making their way to the dressing rooms just a few feet in front of us. There is surprisingly little noise at this point, none of the players are speaking although they are no doubt wondering if they are all to be replaced at half time by this new squad lined up and waiting to take to the pitch. Silently now, we shuffle forward. Again I look up and the famous sign is in front of me, “This is Anfield” it proudly declares. I have stood here before on a stadium tour but this time I’m wearing the shirt, there’s a full house in the stadium and the match and club officials are all around us. I cannot begin to imagine how it must feel to be making your way on to the pitch and having to play in a match. Some of the greatest names to grace the game have made this walk, and I can barely believe that I am following in their foot steps. I begin to make my way down the stairs and cannot resist giving the sign a gentle tap for good luck. My turn comes and my name is announced across the PA system and I make my way forward and onto the floodlit pitch and suddenly feel very small but very proud.

Depositing my match ball into the giant tombola that has been positioned opposite the tunnel I line up in front of the main stand as if waiting for the National Anthem or Champions League music to await the draw. Realising that I will never be in this position again I begin to slowly turn around and attempt to take it all in. The place looks very different from out on the pitch. The stands are somehow taller, the goals are further away and the pitch itself feels huge. I briefly attempt to pick out my wife up in the stands but it is almost impossible to see anyone. Glancing downwards the stud marks left by the first 45 minutes action are clearly visible and the carpet like appearance of the pitch that you get from the stands or the TV has changed into a slightly muddy patch of grass. People have their ashes scattered on this pitch, there is even an urn buried at the kop end such is the reverence that this rectangle of grass is held in and here I am, stood on it. At that precise moment, over 40,000 people in the stadium and countless more around the world would have swapped places with me. Eventually, all 11 balls are in the tombola and it’s time for the draw, enter former player John Aldridge.

Spin, spin, spin. The tombola stops and the hatch is opened. My God it’s number 6! Oh no, it’s number 9. Denied by an inversion. The girl (yes, girl) skips to the front to collect her prize and my dream of signing for Liverpool is over. All that is left is to have our picture taken with John Aldridge and re-enter the tunnel, my time on the hallowed turf is over.

I finally make it back to my seat and settle down for the second half. I feel oddly calm that I didn’t win, yet disappointed that the winner didn’t seem excited by it. Of the 11 finalists, there seemed to be 3 of us who were genuine fans and would have been thrilled to have won. But that is in many ways an indictment of modern football. Too many people are “fans” of a team yet have no inkling of the history or traditions of the club. It used to be that you supported a team because it was your local team whereas today many fans treat their team as a fashion accessory.

Anyway, I didn’t intend to turn this post into a diatribe on the state of the modern football fan so I won’t. Safe to say I had a great day out and an experience I will certainly never forget.

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20/06/2007 by Lee.

A lot has been made lately of the dangers of stingrays after the sad death of Steve Irwin. Like most creatures, its sting is a defence mechanism and not an attack device. Steve Irwin was plainly very unlucky. I’ve swam with stingrays, watched a diver feed them and were encouraged to touch them. Many people on some forums that I’ve come across are now questioning the safety of stingrays. This irrational panic is sadly all too predictable from a western population that is encouraged to live in fear.

Fear is the method that our governments use to control us. We are constantly reminded about terror threats from one dissident group or another, almost everything we eat or drink is bad for us. Our cars are killing the world and there is not enough water to go round. Anyone that doesn’t look like us is obviously evil personified, especially if they’re on a mode of transport. Flying today? Better be careful, that toothpaste has been banned as it could be an explosive.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some anti-establishment anarchist that believes in the destruction of Government. The plain facts are that less people die in terror attacks today than they did 30 years ago, and flying is still the safest form of transport. As for the food, everything is so mass produced and sterilised today that our natural resistence to many illness is at an all time low. I would place a fairly large sum of money on the fact that we all know someone that is allergic to one thing or another. “Oh, I’m dairy intolerant.” you’ll hear. Rubbish! Mankind simply could not have survived for this length of time with the countless allergies and intolerances we seem to have developed.

This is all rooted in a fear culture, and it’s not a modern phonemenon. A few hundred years ago, a group of sailing ships left England for the fledgling America. Why? Because they were afraid of religious persecution back home. On arrival, everything should have been hunky dory in their new homes; after all they are all like minded people. The local rulers then discovered that without fear they couldn’t exercise any control over the population. So there were witch hunts, after all we can all be scared of witches can’t we. Nothing gets a town more scared than the thought of little Ellie May turning the residents into frogs. Skip forward a couple of hundred years and you can swap the word “witch” for “communist”. People’s lives were runined across the United States by the mere suggestion that they might be a “commie”.

Escape the modern world for a time, and you discover that we are essentially all the same. Look at the smiles of children in poor countries, free from corruption or fear, and they could be children anywhere in the world. It’s only as we get older that the fear is placed in us. Our parents start to manage us by fear. “If you don’t get good exam results you won’t get a good job and you’ll end up living in the bad part of town.” is a line that in one form or another is all too familiar. The fear factor is being installed in you already. Perhaps if we started living by motivation we might live in a better world. “Do well at school and you can live anywhere you want.” echoes the same sentiment but focuses on the reward rather then the punishment.

We don’t trust our politicians when they tell us that there will be no new taxes, yet when they tell us that terrorists are everywhere we all agree. Look at George W. Bush for example. Without the “war on terror” he would have no purpose and the world would be discussing his failings and the way the rest of the world sees him. But more on dubbya on another day. As Douglas Adams once said;

“Those that want power are those least suited to it.”

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20/06/2007 by Lee.

A growing culture in modern Britain is to get in early and stay late at work. For many of those that do it, they are showing the boss how “committed” they are, always the first in and the last out. Those that simply do their standard hours are viewed as lazy and only prepared to do the bare minimum. Is staying late not simply a sign of not being able to complete your tasks in the time alloted for them? Should we not view being first in and last out as a sign of gross inefficiency?

Take sport for example. A game of football lasts 90 minutes. Each team has 90 minutes to complete the task, namely score more goals than the opposition. Now, overlay todays “unpaid overtime” culture to the game. Although kick off is as 3PM, Team A is on the pitch at 2:30 to get a couple of goals in early. Having come in early Team A leaves the pitch at 4:50, but Team B is now behind (damn those early starters!) so stay on the pitch until 6PM to finish off the job; now that’ll impress the boss. Can you see how ludicrous this is?

A recent report showed that the average Britain does £4,800 of unpaid overtime each year which is over 7 hours a week. We are effectively working from the beginning of the year until 23 February for nothing! Your boss is getting almost 2 free months work from you.

I say, “no more” to this ridculous situation. Your boss probably by now expects you to be doing this, after all you’re keeping the wage budget down. It’s time to reclaim your life. If they aren’t going to pay you then don’t do it. Would you expect to get a workman in and ask that he does a chunk of the work for free?

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20/06/2007 by Lee.

Is it wrong to play a PSP game and superimpose characters from your everyday life onto the hapless enemy that withers under your ferocious gunfire?

I know that we all play games for a touch of escapism but is there becoming a crossover from reality? I seem to try and come up with ever more inventive ways for my enemies to meet their maker, hell I even chainsawed somebody to death last week (you should have seen it though, HA! that wanker had no chance!) and surely that’s not normal behaviour.

I believe that some of this may stem from our flight or fight responses. Modern life is largely devoid of risk and consequently we create scenarios to give ourselves a digital risk. I have caught myself trying to peer around a corner in a game and actually leaning forward with my head to one side without leaving my seat! Mankind didn’t always need to fake such action as life was a struggle everyday and each one could be your last. Whilst I by no means wish to see a return to this kind of life (and sadly, many people in our world are still in it) I feel that life should involve some risks. It would be very easy for us to settle for what we have, but if we all did that we’d still be living in caves with Ug, Mnmn, Blargh and the rest of our cavemen (sorry, caveperson) family. Fortunately for us Ug thought, “I wonder what it’s like over there?” and one of his (or her) descendants thought “If I plant this stuff in the first place then it’ll always be here.”

But here’s the paradox; by taking those risks in the first place it started us on the road to the spawning of the Health and Safety Executive and me sitting on the sofa with a PSP in my risk free world. So we are taking risks to avoid further risk. Will this all end with us lying in a vat of goo cocooned from the dangerous world outside or will we seek to add increasingly more digital risk until one day our appetite is completely insatiable and the real world is put on course to a meltdown?

I could do something about this, but that would be far too risky

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20/06/2007 by Lee.

Let’s be clear from the start, I DO own one of these. I use it in the car every day. But what’s with these people that wear them almost all the time? Do you have extra short arms that don’t reach your ears or something? They walk round all day long looking as though they’re talking to themselves whilst at the same time sending out no signals to the rest of us that they are on the phone. Have you ever approached someone that is on a Bluetooth headset? The first thing they try and do is send you some kind of subliminal signal that they are on the phone. You can spot this by the strange, almost pleading look in their eyes. If their powers of telekinesis have somehow temporarily deserted them (no shock there then) they will next try and point at the device hanging from their ear. Yes, thank you, I’m not blind. I can see that you have something clipped to the side of your head. Finally, as a last resort they make the universally recognized hand signal for a phone (thumb and little finger extended) and hold it to their ear. Oh, so you can reach your ear. THEN WHY NOT USE YOUR HANDS???
It’s indicative of modern life that we are so lazy we won’t even lift our hands to our ears. This started to creep into our lives when that button was introduced to close the lift doors. Could you really not spare the additional 3 seconds it would have taken the lift to do it for you?

We need to slow life down a little.

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